Things To Keep In Mind While Losing Weight

Vaguely food and fitness related idioms to „structure“ my incoherent ramblings

Don’t run before you can walk

Trying on a smaller T-Shirt and seeing that it fits again is great. Do NOT however go back to your clothes pile, look for an even smaller T-Shirt from back in the day and then be upset that you look like an obese slug. If you squeeze into a top that’s two sizes too small you’re GOING to look like a Peep® mid-microwave. Figures, volume and that (I don’t know physics, leave me alone).
Pat yourself on the back for dropping a size, instead of punching yourself in the face for not dropping two. Good things come to those who count their calories. And ideally get some exercise in as well. Just to actually squeeze a fitness reference in.

Don’t bite off more than you can should chew to maintain your calorie deficit

I’m sure you and I can chew a whole lot, but this is likely why we ended up angrily staring at the scales. The bathroom scales are like that honest friend who tells you that you DO NOT in fact suit that colour and should never wear it again unless you are going for that Puddle of Vomit hue to your skin. Dat barfy glow. Shine bright like a pile of sick in the Ladies. It hurts, but it’s for the better. Don’t shoot the messenger, especially if the messenger is doing you a huge fucking service. This has nothing to do with the heading any more.
What I actually wanted to say is watch what goes into your mouth because if you don’t, your scales ARE going to tell you in no uncertain terms. They will however also let you know when you’re doing a good job. So Yeah.

Know which side your bread is buttered
(ideally probably on no side, saturated fats, oh my)

Now. This kind of connects to what I just said (or tried to say, in the most unnessecarily convoluted way ever) – know what goes into your mouth. But extend that awareness to a teensy tiny level and know what your food is made of, and how much you need of which nutrients. Know what nutrients are going to work to your advantage in helping you stay healthy and full.
Your bread is NOT buttered on the fat-and-sugar-errday-allday side. It is lightly coated with a vegetable-based spread, with a good helping of protein sprinkled on top. If you drop it and it falls on the side with the spread on it, as Murphy’s law dictates, and you just leave it because ew and have a chocolate bar instead as a quick pick-me-up — it’s ok. It’s not the end of the world. But make a note of those calories and try not to drop dat healthy bread AGAIN the next day. I’m not even sure if bread works here because actually, I’m not eating any bread these days, too many carbs, it fucks up my macros. Maybe have crisp bread, it’s tasty stuff. I recommend FinnCrisp #spon #iwish.

Losing weight isn’t a piece of cake

see above

It IS however a walk in the park

Misleading heading – of course shedding the flab ain’t easy, but moving helps. If you (like me) like to use these here internetz a lot, you are probably doing it sitting down. For hours on end. We mean business, you and I. We will not rest until we have seen all the cat videos, until we have reached the end of our tumblr dashboard, until we have corrected that idiot who clearly doesn’t know he’s wrong about that thing. We’re dedicated to our craft, we’re netizens, we weren’t even around when the usenet was big but we still act like we were born on the fucking web LOLOLOLOLOLOL #web2.0 #squadgoals #follow4follow – Ok I’m making myself sick now. And bulimia isn’t the subject matter of this post (I strongly advise against it if you care to know my stance on it).
ANYWAY, the point is that it just won’t do. If you cut calories and don’t move, your muscles are going to turn into shrivelled-up little strings. You can be a fucking memechild and the rarest pepe if you want, but please try and move as well. Dance to Never Gonna Give You Up if you must. Anything to get you moving.

I don’t feel like writing more about this. This idiom thing is getting tedious. I came up with the first two off the top of my head, but now I’m using a list to find ones that fit and I just can’t be bothered to go on. The potential of this post has fizzled out. I think it’s best we leave it here. Spelling and proper punctuation are for the weak.

Toodle-pip!

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